Teresa and I got married in May 2014, and we were conscious from the outset that adoption could well be part of our family make up at some point in the future. With Alfie, our first birth son, arriving in September 2017, we slowly started to consider adoption a bit more seriously.

In October 2019, we left Alfie with Grandparents for the weekend so we could attend the Home for Good Summit in Milton Keynes to start conversations (and watch Milton Keynes Lightening play Ice-Hockey in the evening…I think that should be a given for everyone attending Home for Good summits going forward.).

Lockdown hit, and we attended a Home for Good Foundations Course on Zoom with others from around the UK. We approached our local council and went through Stage 1 and 2 of the adoption process in 2021, finally being approved at panel that November.

Whilst most of our meetings with our social worker during this time were in person at our home, all of the training was online – including the adoption panel in the November. As a result, we missed out on all the informal relationship building with the other potential adopters on the training which we would have developed over coffee and lunch etc had they been in person. The panel felt so odd; such a significant moment for us, and yet it felt like just another online meeting or conversation, followed by a trip to Aldi.

My idea of an ‘ideal’ adoption process which I’d built up in my mind pre-pandemic was something that I had to let go and grieve…and we soon had to grieve again, when my Dad died unexpectedly in January 2022. We thought long and hard as to whether we should have put the adoption process on hold for six months or so; but given we hadn’t been close to being invited for a interview for a child at that point, and having no idea when we would be matched, we decided with our social worker that it was right carry on in the process.

That waiting game between being approved and finally being matched has been one of the hardest parts of this journey. Throughout the application and assessment, we had an idea of what was going on; we had dates for meetings and trainings and a rough time frame for when we’d be taken to panel. The other side of that contains no set timeframe, and no real idea as to when we could be successfully matched.

That period held so many emotions for us as we felt we were stepping closer to growing our family, only for plans to change at the last minute. We were being considered for one child, but were turned down because the social worker felt we were still grieving the death of my father. On another occasion we were about to set off to pick a baby up from the hospital, only to be rung up to be told that a relative was going to care for them instead. We held in those moments the tension of wanting what was going to be best for these children along with disappointment at the change of plans, and having to explain everything to our son.

But I write this the night before a little one is due to join us on an early permanence placement (EPP). We’ve seen him six times over the past month or so at his foster carers house and a visit to our house today. It looks like the move is in fact going to happen tomorrow. We hold so many hopes, dreams and questions; most of which I think parents would have whether a child is joining their family through birth, adoption or fostering:

Will Alfie and our little one get on? Will Alfie feel left out, or will he thrive even more?

Will we be able to cope with two children? What will night times be like with sleep?

We hope and pray that he will enjoy being part of our church community, and feel a real sense of belonging.

We hold these ‘normal’ questions in the same hand as something quite unique to EPP; the very real possibility that it could be decided this little one can return to birth family at the end of court proceedings. What’s ahead of us is a season of unknowns and uncertainty, and in a way, a sense of risk. But as carers, we can take these things upon ourselves so that permanence can be established for this little one at the soonest possible point.

We know that God’s been with us on this journey over the last three and a half years. Despite the ups and downs and difficulties, we write this having seen the Goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27). We have a supportive Church family, a supportive family and community; are now part of the Sheffield Home for Good Support Group (do ask to join it if you’re in Sheffield!) and have a good relationship with our social worker.

Adoption isn’t easy. It’s not a sugar-coated story without blips or hardships; it’s very raw, real and at times can be darn right frustrating. And yet, God calls us forward into the unknown. We know that He is with us, and that He cares so deeply for His children who are waiting for the right place to call home.

So, into the unknown we go…