Catherine’s Story

Catherine shares her experience of foster care

Read Welsh Version


Home life was tricky growing up – and that’s putting it mildly. ‘Family’ for me was my sister and brother, three years older and one year younger than me, respectively, and my mum. My father was around too, but our relationship with him wasn’t a positive one. He had issues with alcohol, and often became violent towards our mother. It was a horrible thing for anyone to have to witness, let alone a child. We were terrified of him.

But when I was ten, things changed.

I can still recall the day – we were outside playing when mum turned up in a car with a man we hadn’t seen before. He was a social worker.

Mum just told us that we were “going somewhere” and so got into the car. We were taken to meet the people who we would soon come to know as Aunty Janet and Uncle Bob. Mum wasn’t staying with us – we were being placed into temporary foster care, but at her will. She had planned this day very meticulously – she had picked this day to leave our father, get a temporary place of her own, make sure we were safe until we could be reunited permanently with her away from my father. We were sad, but she was calm and that was reassuring.

When we first arrived at Bob and Janet’s house, I was on guard 24 hours a day. But within a very short time I began to realise that what we had come from wasn’t normal. Fear began to leave us. Bed wetting stopped, the house felt so calm. Uncle Bob wasn’t violent in any way – in fact, he radically changed my perception and experience of what a real father should be. He was gentle.

I remember one occasion when I broke the stand on my bike. I didn’t tell anyone for quite some time because of the reaction I thought would come my way. But when I eventually told them, all I was met with was reassurance. I began to realise I was safe.

Mum would come to visit us every now and then. We loved seeing her, and would all break our hearts when she would leave. It was not until I grew up and had children of my own that I realised how difficult it must have been for our mother to put us into care, to see us only occasionally and to say goodbye so often.

After some time, mum was ready for us to move into her new council house. Leaving Aunty Jane and Uncle Bob brought mixed emotions; we had so much been a part of their family, they had kept us safe and made us feel extremely valuable, but at the same time we were so happy to be reunited with mum who we then lived with in our new house for the rest of our childhoods.

This season in my life was a difficult one. It shouldn’t have had to happen at all; no child deserves to experience abuse in their own home, or to be separated from the people, things and places that they love. But when I look back, I can identify two things that were so important in making things feel as ‘okay’ as they could. The first is the love that Aunty Janet and Uncle Bob showed us, welcoming us into their family as their own and each providing stability, a sense of safety and care. And the second is that when we were fostered, we were welcome in together as a sibling group of three. My sister and brother were so important to me – they felt like all the family I had left. Splitting us up would have only made things harder, adding more loss and pain to an already difficult situation. It’s hard to imagine where we each could have ended up; we could have had very different outcomes.

I know that today, there are siblings in care who are having to be separated because there are no foster carers who can look after them together. So I want to leave you with this question – could you be an Uncle Bob or Aunty Janet to a group of siblings who desperately need to stay together, and who need the stability and love you can offer them? Could you foster a group of siblings?

Oh! A final word about Uncle Bob and Aunty Janet - years after we had moved into our new home, I was at a local fete. I heard a voice, and instantly recognised it. I said to my mum ,“I can hear Aunty Janet,” and sure enough there she was. We went back to the house where we saw Uncle Bob too. It was such a special moment. I thanked them so very much for what they did for us and told them how incredibly significant the part they played, along with mum, was in changing the course of our lives – for the better.


Stori Catherine

Roedd bywyd cartref yn anodd wrth i mi dyfu i fyny – dw i ddim yn gor-ddweud. ‘Teulu’ i mi oedd fy chwaer a’m brawd, tair blynedd yn hŷn a blwyddyn yn iau na fi, a mam. Roedd fy nhad o gwmpas hefyd, ond doedd ein perthynas gydag e ddim yn dda. Roedd ganddo broblem alcohol, ac roedd yn aml yn troi’n dreisgar at ein mam. Peth erchyll i unrhyw un ei weld, heb sôn am blentyn. Roedd yn ein dychryn am ein bywydau.

Ond newidiodd pethau pan o’n i’n ddeg oed.

Rwy’n dal i gofio y diwrnod - roedden ni tu allan yn chwarae pan gyrhaeddodd mam adre mewn car gyda dyn oedden ni erioed wedi'i weld o'r blaen. Roedd yn weithiwr cymdeithasol.

Dywedodd mam ein bod yn “mynd i rywle”, a dyma ni’n mynd i mewn i'r car. Aethpwyd â ni i gwrdd â phobl y bydden ni’n dod i’w hadnabod fel Anti Janet ac Wncwl Bob. Doedd mam ddim yn aros gyda ni – roedd wedi penderfynu y bydden ni’n cael ein rhoi mewn gofal maeth dros dro. Roedd wedi cynllunio'r diwrnod hwn yn fanwl iawn - roedd wedi dewis gadael ein tad, cael lle iddi ei hun dros dro, a gwneud yn siŵr ein bod ni’n saff nes y gallen ni gael ein haduno'n barhaol heb dad o gwmpas. Roedden ni’n drist, ond roedd mam yn dawel ei meddwl, ac roedd hynny'n gysur mawr i ni.

Pan gyrhaeddon ni dŷ Bob a Janet gyntaf, ro’n i'n ansicr 24 awr y dydd. Ond yn fuan iawn dechreuais sylweddoli nad oedd y sefyllfa yr oedden ni wedi dod ohoni yn un normal. Dechreuodd yr ofn ddiflannu. Dim mwy o wlychu'r gwely – roedd y tŷ yn teimlo mor heddychlon. Doedd Ewythr Bob ddim yn dreisgar o gwbl – i ddweud y gwir, fe newidiodd o fy syniad a’m profiad o beth ddylai tad go iawn fod. Roedd yn ddyn mor addfwyn.

Rwy'n cofio un tro pan dorrais y sedd ar fy meic. Ddwedais i ddim wrth neb am fy mod yn ofni’r ymateb fyddwn i’n ei wynebu. Ond pan ddois rownd i ddweud wrthyn nhw, y cwbl ges i oedd cysur a chefnogaeth. Dechreuais sylweddoli fy mod yn saff.

Byddai mam yn dod i ymweld â ni o bryd i’w gilydd. Roedden ni wrth ein bodd yn ei gweld, a byddai pawb yn torri calon pan fyddai hi'n gadael. Dim ond ar ôl i mi dyfu i fyny a chael plant fy hun y deallais pa mor anodd oedd hi i mam ein rhoi mewn gofal, cael ein gweld ond yn achlysurol, a ffarwelio mor aml.

Ar ôl peth amser, roedd mam yn barod i ni symud i mewn i'w thŷ cyngor newydd. Roedd gadael Anti Jane ac Wncwl Bob yn codi teimladau cymysg; roedden ni wedi bod yn gymaint rhan o’u teulu, ac roedden nhw wedi’n cadw ni’n saff ac wedi gwneud i ni deimlo mor sbesial, ond ar yr un pryd roedden ni mor hapus o gael bod gyda mam eto, a buon ni’n byw gyda hi yn ein tŷ newydd am weddill o ein plentyndod.

Roedd y cyfnod hwnnw o ’mywyd yn anodd. Ddylai o ddim bod wedi digwydd o gwbl; ddylai ’run plentyn gael ei gam-drin yn ei gartref ei hun, na chael ei wahanu oddi wrth y bobl, y pethau a'r lleoedd mae'n eu caru. Ond wrth edrych yn ôl, gallaf feddwl am ddau beth pwysig wnaeth i bethau deimlo mor ‘iawn’ ag y gallent fod. Y peth cyntaf oedd y cariad a ddangosodd Anti Janet ac Wncwl Bob atom, yn ein croesawu i’w teulu fel petaen ni eu plant eu hunain, gan gynnig sefydlogrwydd, teimlad o fod yn saff a gofal. A'r ail beth oedd, pan gawson ni ein maethu, cawson ni groeso gyda'n gilydd fel grŵp o frodyr a chwiorydd. Roedd fy chwaer a’m brawd mor bwysig i mi – ro’n i’n teimlo mai nhw oedd yr unig deulu oedd gen i ar ôl. Byddai ein gwahanu ni ond wedi gwneud pethau'n anoddach, gan ychwanegu mwy o golled a phoen at sefyllfa a oedd eisoes yn anodd. Mae'n anodd dychmygu beth allai fod wedi digwydd i ni; gallai pethau fod wedi troi allan yn wahanol iawn.

Dw i’n gwybod fod yna frodyr a chwiorydd mewn gofal heddiw sy’n gorfod cael eu gwahanu oherwydd nad oes gofalwyr maeth all eu cymryd gyda’i gilydd. Felly dw i eisiau gofyn y cwestiwn yma i chi - allech chi fod yn Wncwl Bob neu'n Anti Janet i grŵp o frodyr a chwiorydd sydd wir angen aros gyda'i gilydd, ac sydd angen y sefydlogrwydd a'r cariad y gallech chi ei gynnig iddyn nhw? Allech chi faethu grwp o blant o’r un teulu?

O ia! Un gair olaf am Wncwl Bob ac Anti Janet - flynyddoedd ar ôl i ni symud i mewn i'n cartref newydd, roeddwn i mewn ffair leol. Clywais lais, ac ro’n i’n ei nabod ar unwaith. Dywedais wrth mam , “Dw i’n clywed llais Anti Janet,” a wir i chi, hi oedd yna. Aethon ni yn ôl i'w thŷ lle gwelson ni Wncwl Bob hefyd. Roedd yn foment mor sbesial. Ces gyfle i ddiolch o galon iddyn nhw, a dweud mor bwysig oedd yr hyn wnaethon nhw, a’r hyn wnaeth mam, i newid cwrs ein bywydau – a hynny er gwell.

Date published:
November 2023


Tags:
Stories


Share:


You might also be interested in

Annabel's Story

Stories

Annabel's Story

We’d love to introduce you to Annabel. Her story shows us how the visions of both Safe Families and Home for Good have come together and complemented each other in the past, and this fills us with excitement for our future together.

Read more
Heirs - Heulwen’s story of action and hope

Stories

Heirs - Heulwen’s story of action and hope

Read more
Dan's Story: Two things I'd want carers and parents to know

Stories

Dan's Story: Two things I'd want carers and parents to know

Dan reflects on his experience of foster care and adoption, and shares two things he'd love every foster carer, adoptive parent and supported lodgings host to know

Read more
This really matters: Amara's* story

Stories

This really matters: Amara's* story

Amara shares with us her experience adopting her daughter, and her passion to see justice for Black children in care.

Read more

I would like to find out what is
going on in my area

Join our mailing list for the latest Home for Good news and ways to get involved.